I lived in many homes and went to many schools. Worse yet, my brother became an alcoholic like our father and died in a horrible car accident one night before he turned My parents wrecked two lives forever through their selfishness and lack of love and care for their children.
We both suffered and I still do greatly from emotional trauma. Yeah, some people just suck and they should never marry or have kids. My pain is still nothing to them. These three examples are about infidelity. How about the spouses that simply cannot get on the same page anymore? No matter what, one says black, inevitably the other says white? When counseling is your last resort and feels like a lost cause? After x-teen years of marriage, you have simply become two very different people?
That cannot be good for the child to live with either. This article is not correct for everyone. My father was a pedophile. Imagine being a kid under the same roof with him. He was selfish, strict and demanding. He enjoyed control over others and mom cried often.
When he abandoned his family due to trying to escape the law, and mom divorced him, it was the best day! No more walking in fear in your own home. We got to watch TV. Previously it had been banned. Mom had a bachelors so she went to work. We finally had shoes and clothes and food, all at once. We got to visit her side of the family and have amazing vacations and even visit Disney Land.
As a kid with a pedophile parent, my life and my siblings lives were changed for the better when he walked out that door and left a note.
Divorce saved us. We would be another statistic, drinking, doing drugs, and sleeping around to hide the pain if they had stayed together.
Probably would have tried to end my life as a teen. So your article is very misleading. Divorce can be good for kids, amazing even. It can be the path to healing, a better lifestyle, no more school bullying and can save someone from ending their own life. I understand you. Itay have been good they split but Christmases the calls ide get he was wasted. I feel strongly that mom plays a gigantic role, as both parents do, in acclimatizing the children to the changes.
As one half of the team, if she drops the ball, well, the ball is dropped. If this kids are not fine, the parents have done a poor job at putting their kids first.
Divorce and separation itself is not the problem. I think the point is that 2 adults can choose to work on the relationship and keep the family together. If there is physical abuse or pedophillia as one mentioned, sure, jump ship. But everything else should at a minimum be given a fair shake before destroying the family unit. My wife personally refuses to work on the marriage and is only cover Ed with her life and fits the article to the T.
Straight up. Especially when you have a therapist telling you it can all turn around if you choose for it to. There is always 3 options. Divorce, stay in miserable marriage not advised , or put in your adult pants and work through your crap. This article is for people who understand that it does not cover special cases where your dad or mom are abusive drunks, rapists, bank robbers, drug dealers, pedophiles, mafia hit men, Dark Siths, or whatever malevolent figure you can come up with.
Gotta get out and go sleep around and find you some excitement because you just gotta be excited and have a perfect life like they depict in feminist movies where the woman is always right and the man is an asshole no matter what he does but in the fairytale movies the man does all he is required and more like a perfect gent. No way anyone can hold a candle to that perfect gent so a lot of women these days use that image of the man who makes millions, fucks like a sex machine, takes her on expensive lavish vacations and buys designer jewelry just for no mother trucking reason, makes the kids breakfast and packs their lunch, drives them to school while she jerks herself off to some Orange is the new Black poolside gossiping with her friends who also live similar lives and brag about it.
Tell the truth. Your kids are entitled to know why you are getting a divorce, but long-winded reasons may only confuse them. Address changes. Let them know that together you can deal with each detail as you go.
This can be especially difficult when there have been hurtful events, such as infidelity, but with a little diplomacy, you can avoid playing the blame game. Present a united front. As much as you can, try to agree in advance on an explanation for your separation or divorce—and stick to it.
Plan your conversations. Make plans to talk with your children before any changes in the living arrangements occur. And plan to talk when your spouse is present, if possible. Show restraint. Be respectful of your spouse when giving the reasons for the separation.
Think carefully about how certain information will affect them. For kids, divorce can feel like an intense loss—the loss of a parent, the loss of the family unit, or simply the loss of the life they knew.
You can help your children grieve their loss and adjust to new circumstances by helping them express their emotions. Encourage your child to share their feelings and really listen to them. They may be feeling sadness, loss or frustration about things you may not have expected. Help them find words for their feelings. You can help them by noticing their moods and encouraging them to talk.
Let them be honest. Children might be reluctant to share their true feelings for fear of hurting you. Let them know that whatever they say is okay. Make talking about the divorce an ongoing process. As children age and mature, they often have new questions, feelings, or concerns about what happened, so you may want to go over the same ground again and again.
Acknowledge their feelings. You may not be able to fix their problems or change their sadness to happiness, but it is important for you to acknowledge their feelings rather than dismissing them. You can also inspire trust by showing that you understand. Many kids believe that they had something to do with the divorce, recalling times they argued with their parents, received poor grades, or got in trouble. To help your kids let go of this misconception:.
Set the record straight. Repeat why you decided to get a divorce. Sometimes hearing the real reason for your decision can help. Be patient. As often as you need to, remind your children that both parents will continue to love them and that they are not responsible for the divorce.
Coping styles also make a difference. For example, children who are good problem solvers and who seek social support are more resilient than those who rely on distraction and avoidance. The good news is that although divorce is hard and often extremely painful for children, long-term harm is not inevitable.
Most children bounce back and get through this difficult situation with few if any battle scars. This article was originally published with the title "Is Divorce Bad for Children? Mavis Hetherington and John Kelly. Norton, Paul R. Amato in Family Relations , Vol. Arkowitz is an associate professor of psychology at the University of Arizona, and Lilienfeld is a psychology professor at Emory University.
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Rapid Recovery Divorce affects most children in the short run, but research suggests that kids recover rapidly after the initial blow. Grown-up Concerns The experience of divorce can also create problems that do not appear until the late teenage years or adulthood. Bouncing Back Even though children of divorce generally do well, a number of factors can reduce the problems they might experience.
With this in mind, here are some of the most commonly seen effects divorce has on children FamilyMeans can help parents manage:. Divorce is difficult for all members of the family. For children, trying to understand the changing dynamics of the family may leave them distracted and confused. This interruption in their daily focus can mean one of the effects of divorce on children would be seen in their academic performance.
The more distracted children are, the more likely they are to not be able to focus on their school work. Research has suggested divorce can affect children socially, as well.
Children whose family is going through divorce may have a harder time relating to others, and tend to have less social contacts. Sometimes children feel insecure and wonder if their family is the only family that has gotten divorced.
Through divorce, children can be affected by having to learn to adapt to change more often and more frequently. New family dynamics, new house or living situation, schools, friends, and more, may all have an effect.
Divorce can bring several types of emotions to the forefront for a family, and the children involved are no different. Feelings of loss, anger, confusion, anxiety, and many others, all may come from this transition. Divorce can leave children feeling overwhelmed and emotionally sensitive.
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